I met this girl many years ago, although I don’t really remember how or when she became such a huge influence in my life. Nonetheless, here we are. She’s ruthless, cold-blooded, and extremely detrimental. She’s insulting and, frankly, she’s just annoying, and I can’t seem to get her words out of my head. I know I should just let her comments roll off my back, but they seem to come with a weight that I cannot carry on my own.
She and I grew up together. In fact, we used to be really great friends. We’ve been through everything together. She used to give me great advice and comfort me when things weren’t going the way they should. She never left my side. We kept each other’s secrets and shared each other’s stories. Our conversations would go on for hours on end, causing many sleepless nights. She adored me.
Somewhere down the line, she turned into someone who I no longer recognized. Her wise words of wisdom no longer helped, they only hurt. In fact, it became clear to me that she was the cause of most of my problems and even when she wasn’t, she was more than happy to fan the flame threatening to destroy my mood. The sleepless nights that were once because of endless laughter were now because of worry and frustration.
She despises me.
She questions my judgment when I fearfully make a decision. She tempts me to become just like her when I lack confidence in who I am. She laughs at me when I make a fool out of myself (which is quite often). She yells at me when I go to grab another slice of pizza (which is quite often). She tells me I’m worthless when handsome-boy-with-the-pretty-eyes ignores me.
If you haven’t already guessed, my biggest bully’s name is Colleen.
Obviously, she doesn’t always speak the truth. Thankfully, I have a forever Friend who does.
When I make a doubtful decision, His promise to secure my future reassures me. When I forget who I am, He reminds me that I am His. When I embarrass myself, His joy lets me laugh along with everyone else. When I feel like yesterday’s trash, He whispers “Beloved, you are my treasure.” When I feel worthless, He declares that I am worthy enough to die for. He tells me that His love is enough. His love is greater than his attention (or lack of, therefore).
Nonetheless, I’m stuck. I’m stuck with this person who tries to run my life.
But I’ve been given Someone who wants me to run to Him in these times to find truth and answers.
So, I’m running. I’m running away from this unfair judge and I’m sprinting towards the One who is worthy and just. I’m choosing to ignore her abrasive screams full of lies and hatred and listen to His gentle whispers of truth and love.
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent of praiseworthy–think of such things.”
Colleen Eschweiler is a writer and college student, and is apart of our Delight writing and graphic design groups. You can read more on her blog: www.colleensclutter.wordpress.com and follow her on Instagram: @colleen_grace97